Is It a Phase?
Many of us have heard it before. Whether from a parent, family member, a teacher, or perhaps in a coming-of-age story on tv. It is almost a cliché for the struggles that kids, teens and young adults go through to be labeled as “just a phase”. But is this an accurate way to frame these experiences? Is it helpful to minimize what others are going through because it is just a temporary part of their life? I would say no, and I hope to show you why.
We are all working through our unique, temporary life phases each and every day. Realistically, most things in our lives are just phases. Whether it is short-term, long-term, fleeting or persistent, our existence is temporary and so are our experiences. But this does not mean that they do not matter. The importance of a temporary experience is not less simply because it is temporary. By that logic, nothing would be important because everything is temporary. But it is these exact chapters of our lives that teach us lessons and make us who we are. Some may be shorter or longer, but each is a piece in the puzzle we are creating throughout our entire lives. It is helpful to be mindful of the fact that situations are temporary, not because they matter less, but to keep the “big picture” in perspective to have the strength to push past difficult times. You can only see your entire puzzle once you have assembled all of the pieces after all. But each piece is still unique and necessary.
Society has a habit of delegitimizing certain experiences, particularly the experiences of youth, because of their temporary nature. We are told “it’s fine, it is just a phase, you’ll get over it” so often, many of us choose to go through things alone instead of risking having our struggles minimized. This result is the exact opposite of what we should be doing while we are struggling. We should be asking for help and connecting with people who care to help us through things. Society as a whole must shift the mentality of “it is just a phase.” Each phase is meaningful, must be worked through, and will have impacts on us for the rest of our lives. Some moments suck, and while they are just moments, they still suck while going through it. We can validate one another’s thoughts and feelings while also encouraging each other to remember that the moment will pass.
Erik Erikson was a social psychologist that developed a theory of the general stages we experience throughout our development. While they will vary for every individual, it shows the reality that we work through different phases throughout our entire lives, not just as children or teenagers. Erikson’s Stages of Development are as follows:
Stage 1: Trust vs. Mistrust (infancy)
Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (early childhood)
Stage 3: Initiative vs. Guilt (early childhood)
Stage 4: Industry vs. Inferiority (childhood years)
Stage 5: Identity vs. Confusion (teenage years)
Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Isolation (young adulthood)
Stage 7: Generativity vs. Stagnation (mid-adulthood)
Stage 8: Integrity vs. Despair (late adulthood)
Keep in mind that timeframes and experiences of these life phases will be different for everyone. Stages may overlap, people can be stuck in stages for a long time due to circumstance or trauma, and some never go through certain stages at all. Many things can impact how people progress through the phases of their lives, including the support network they have or lack. Some cultures have even shown a generalized strength in positively working through these phases than others. What these stages of development remind us of is that we are never done going through different phases in life. These phases are vital to our personal growth and journeys, as are the various unique phases that we all go through in other areas of life. Phases are exceptionally important, and deserve recognition and support when needed. If you want to understand more of Erikson’s stages theory, I encourage you to read more about it.
So is it a phase? Almost certainly. Is it just a phase? To say this is to fail to recognize the importance of everything we experience. So appreciate the positive phases, and ask for help and support others through the difficult ones. Treat phases as what they truly are, important parts of our lives, especially for the younger generations. After all, has the phrase “it is just a phase” ever really helped you?
Disclaimer: Erikson’s stages of development are just one of many theories of development. Other theories may divide our development and life into other stages.
